January 22 , 2025 – Oh, Haiti! If there were ever an Olympic event for government spending that makes absolutely no sense, we’d be taking home the gold, every single time. This time, the prize goes to the $3.8 million spectacle put on to welcome Colombian President Gustavo Petro, a visit that, wait for it, lasted only a few hours.
Yes, dear reader, while Haitians continue to dodge bullets, beg for basic services, and wonder where their next meal will come from, our government was out here playing “Extreme Makeover: Presidential Visit Edition.” They extended the runway at Jacmel Airport, patched up some streets, gave the town hall a fresh coat of paint, and, drumroll, please, finally restored electricity to areas that had been without power for years. If only a foreign president could visit every week, we might actually have functional infrastructure.
Now, let’s talk about what this visit was all about. Supposedly, it was to strengthen “bilateral relations” and discuss things like agriculture, trade, culture, and security. Because, obviously, when gangs are running the country like their own personal playgrounds, the biggest concern is how many mangoes we can export.
Oh, and let’s not forget the grand highlight of this expensive meet-and-greet, President Petro’s heartfelt apology for Colombian mercenaries playing a starring role in the 2021 assassination of Haitian President Jovenel Moïse. It was a touching moment, really. A foreign leader apologizing for a crime that, let’s be honest, still hasn’t been properly investigated or prosecuted by our own “authorities.” But hey, at least he said sorry, right? That fixes everything.
Then there was the history lesson. Apparently, Haiti once helped Simón Bolívar in his fight for independence, so now we’re supposed to feel some kind of warm and fuzzy connection with Colombia. Lovely. But here’s a thought, maybe instead of romanticizing past alliances, our leaders could focus on, I don’t know, keeping their citizens alive? Just a suggestion.
And finally, the cherry on top, the very same Haitian officials who can’t seem to provide basic security or prevent gangs from ruling the streets suddenly found the time and resources to roll out the red carpet for a foreign president. Because, of course, when it’s for show, there’s always money.
But let’s be real, what’s the actual difference between the gangs and the so-called authorities? I’ll tell you, they’re the same evil, they just sin differently. One side flaunts stolen money and weapons on social media, while the other wears suits and calls it “governance.” Different costumes, same performance.
So, what did Haiti actually get out of this? A few cleaned-up streets, a lit-up town for a couple of days, and an “I’m sorry” from a Colombian president. Meanwhile, the gangs continue their reign, and the average Haitian continues to suffer. But don’t worry, the government wants you to know that this was all in the name of “strengthening bilateral ties.”
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Haitian political circus, where the only thing more dangerous than the gangs is the government itself.
Creole
Ah, Ayiti! Si te gen yon konkou mondyal pou pi gwo gaspiyaj lajan san sans, nou t ap genyen meday lò a, chak fwa. Fwa sa a, pri a ale pou spektàk $3.8 milyon gouvènman an mete sou pye pou akeyi Prezidan Kolonbyen Gustavo Petro, yon vizit ki, tann yon ti kras, te dire sèlman kèk èdtan.
Wi, chè lektè, pandan Ayisyen ap eseye chape anba bal, ap mande èd pou sèvis de baz, epi ap mande ki kote yo pral jwenn pwochen manje yo, gouvènman nou an te okipe ap jwe “Transformasyon Ekstrèm: Edisyon Vizit Prezidansyèl.” Yo pwolonje pis ayopò Jakmèl la, yo repare kèk lari, yo bay meri a yon bèl penti fre, epi, son tanbou souple, yo finalman retabli kouran nan kèk zòn ki te san limyè depi plizyè ane. Si sèlman chak semèn yon prezidan etranje te ka vizite, nou ta ka gen enfrastrikti ki fonksyone!
Kounye a, ann pale sou objektif vizit sa a. Yo di li te fèt pou ranfòse “relasyon bilatéral” epi pou diskite sou bagay tankou agrikilti, komès, kilti, ak sekirite. Paske, evidamman, pandan gang yo ap dirije peyi a tankou lakou rekreyasyon pa yo, pi gwo enkyetid gouvènman an se konbyen mango nou ka ekspòte.
Ah, epi pa bliye gwo moman emosyonèl rankont sa a, Prezidan Petro te prezante eskiz li pou wòl kèk mesenè Kolonbyen te jwe nan asasinay Prezidan Jovenel Moïse an 2021. Se te yon moman manyen, vre. Yon lidè etranje ap mande padon pou yon krim ki, pou nou di verite, poko janm reyèlman mennen nan okenn arestasyon oswa jijman serye nan men “otorite” nou yo. Men bon, li di li regrèt, non? Konsa, tout bagay regle.
Apre sa, te gen ti leson istwa a. Yo raple nou ke Ayiti te ede Simón Bolívar pandan lagè endepandans Amerik di Sid la, kidonk, nou sipoze santi yon koneksyon spesyal ak Kolonbi. Bèl bagay! Men menmsi istwa a enpòtan, e si pito lidè nou yo te konsantre sou, mwen pa konnen, sove lavi sitwayen yo? Se jis yon lide.
Epi men pi gwo bèl bagay la, menm otorite Ayisyen ki pa ka bay sekirite de baz ni anpeche gang yo domine lari yo, se menm yo ki toudenkou jwenn tout tan ak tout resous pou rale wouj kapèt pou yon prezidan etranje. Paske, natirèlman, lè se pou fè show, lajan toujou la.
Men ann mete tout kat sou tab, kisa ki vrèman diferans ant gang yo ak sa yo rele otorite yo? M ap di nou sa, yo se menm satan an, yo jis pèche nan diferan fason. Yon gwoup ap flannen sou rezo sosyal ak lajan ak zam yo vòlè, pandan lòt la mete kostim epi rele sa “gouvènans.” Diferan abiman, men menm pyès teyat la.
Epi kisa Ayiti reyèlman jwenn nan tout sa? Kèk lari netwaye, yon vil ki limen pou kèk jou, epi yon “mwen regrèt” soti nan yon prezidan Kolonbyen. Pandanstan, gang yo ap kontinye domine, epi pèp Ayisyen an ap kontinye soufri. Men pa enkyete w, gouvènman an vle ou konnen ke tout bagay sa yo te fèt nan non “ranfòsman relasyon bilatéral.”
Mesye dam, byenveni nan sirk politik Ayisyen an, kote sèl bagay ki pi danjere pase gang yo, se gouvènman an li menm.
